Happy Love Day to You, to Your Beloved within, and all those You Love!
I am writing today to share some personal news with you, and to hopefully allow my own life to be an example of how the journey of awakening may unfold.
I am going through some major life changes, with an end to my marriage as my partner moves into a Continuing Care Retirement Center where he will be in good stead to receive the memory care that will inevitably be needed soon. This means an upheaval in my living and financial situation, and a complete restructuring of life as I know it. Some of this I knew was coming (his move), and some came as a great surprise (the end of the marriage, though relationship changes have been underway for a long time). I have watched as each structural platform I thought I was standing on has dissolved beneath my feet. And as they all go, I find that all that remains is what is true: what I am.
In times like this, it is very easy to feel things are happening to us rather than through us. I have had many occasions to feel wronged (oh, sweet friend wrongness! How is it you are so convincing that you exist?) and to feel many other less savory things. I am fully accountable for all of them, as I know no one can make us feel anything, nor can we make anyone else feel anything. Our feelings are ours, through and through. I have had deep encounters with fears I didn’t even know I could find, and every day I am asked to let go of more, to trust, and to remember that there is no thing out there.
Allow me to share a little more about that last piece, because this has been the most amazing opportunity.
As humans, we view the world through our individual lens of perception. This is the “I” within that looks at the world “out there.” It feels like these are two different spaces. In this perception, we feel that things happen to us. We often feel powerless. We can be wronged, or wrong others. Here we carry responsibility as well as cause and effect.
Now here is what’s really interesting. Notice how separation is required to experience this. There must be “I” as well as what “I” am looking at. So the only way for us to feel/see/experience that something is happening to us is to be in the human perception of separation. In this dimension, there is me, and there is the thing that is happening to or around me. I learned long ago in a deep journey where I was able to ask questions of my soul, that awakening is the end of our perception of separation.
Ready for the shift? When we begin to end our perception of separation, when we allow that there is “no thing out there” (which also means there is no thing in here either, i.e. the identified self of “I”), everything folds into the huge, loving God-space of awareness that we truly are. If someone treats me with suspicion and mistrust, I can remember there is no thing out there, and allow that perception to fold within to the one space. How can God be suspicious of itself? Here I am gently afforded the opportunity to see where separation has been functioning in me, meaning, at the human level, where is there suspicion and mistrust within me, or where has that perception hurt? It’s an amazing practice.
I find I do pretty well with things that aren’t so personal or close (like drivers on the road, or trees), and when I get to someone or something near and dear, I get hard-pressed to convince myself they can’t do things to me! Even so, I am sticking with it. I repeat, “I Am Pure Awareness, Christed Consciousness, Fully Awakened. There is no thing out there.” It’s amazing. Over and over I soften, and expand, and open. I see the adversarial attorney friend-of-the-family folding into my heart (ouch!) and I cry at the experience of that separation, because now I’m actually willing to be present with it instead of guarding against it. Because of him, I see that separation in me dissolving and ceasing to exist. I see the hurting family members folding into my heart, each of us like so many wounded animals, and I can perceive that there is only One of Us here in this God-space. I find my heart opening in gratitude, infinitely thankful for every person playing their roles in this part of my divine mystery play so that we can awaken to what we truly are. Sovereign. Free. The Breath of God. In this space, I truly understand Jesus’ words about Pilate having no power over him, because power isn’t from this realm. There is no power in separation consciousness. Ultimately there is nothing that is against us, and nothing to fear.
I see that I have “gotten” this at many levels before, and now, with this deepest and most intimate of passes, I am gazing into a wide open space of freedom like nothing I’ve every seen. How could I not be grateful?
This is how the awakening journey happens for me. Yes, it often unfolds in easy joy and bliss, and it also unfolds here, through the nitty gritty dissolving of my false perceptions of separation, one awareness at a time.
Being Love with You in gratitude for Your journey and Mine.