What is Required to Let Go of an Old Pattern?

You know the feeling. You experience something that you thought you had moved beyond: A trigger you thought just couldn’t get you any more, and then it did. A relationship that you were sure was not like all the others, and then it was. A fear you long ago outgrew. A core sadness that finds its way back into your heart.

How can we be free once and for all of these patterns that loop back around for another pass in our experience, especially when we feel we are done with them and have learned every possible lesson they could offer?

Let’s explore what is required in 5 simple and powerful steps. They are easy to understand, though may require some unpacking to do:

  1. Clear seeing of the pattern.
  2. A clear vision of life beyond the pattern.
  3. Surrendered awareness of any possible secondary gains to the pattern.
  4. Alignment with the new way in choice
  5. Repeated and continuing alignment in choice.

Let’s go into the details of the steps.

  1. Clear Seeing. When I say “seeing,” I am talking about neutral awareness from outside of the pattern. In other words, it is very difficult to see something clearly when we are in it. Looking at a mountain from inside the core of it will not be the same as viewing it from an aircraft above. Usually when we are in a pattern, we are used to looking at it from the vantage point of the very energies that perpetuate it, which means two things: we have a partial view, and our attention of this type is likely contributing to its continuance. In order to see clearly, we must step outside identification with the pattern and look at it  from neutral awareness. Some questions that help with this:
    • Where is the pattern rooted in you?
    • It is in your thoughts?
    • Your emotional field?
    • Your physical cells?
    • Something else?

Notice what you notice in the seeing. Clear seeing is the beginning of freedom.

2. A Vision Beyond. This is where your imagination comes into play. When we can imagine our life without this pattern, we can begin to actualize it. Sometimes feelings of hopelessness, fear, or anxiety can come up as we look to see beyond the only thing we’ve ever known. If this happens for you, it might be helpful to do the process for “A Way Beyond Anxiety” HERE. It is great to spend time seeing and feeling your life without this pattern in it. This is the fun part, as it usually feels really good!

3. Secondary Gains. Sometimes there is something hiding behind the curtain that we are getting from the continuation of this pattern, and if we are unconscious of it, we are not free to make empowering choices. These can be prickly things to look at, such as

    • Are you proving your correctness by showing yourself that your belief is true? As in, “See? It’s still here. I knew_____,” (fill in the blank with “I can’t trust people,” “I couldn’t heal,” “it would never change,” etc.). Your “rightness” about this solidifies it in your field and can make you feel safe while literally keeping you from the safety and freedom you are interested in.
    • Does the pattern get you attention? And can you be patient with this one, as the need for attention is simply a misguided way of seeking the love that you truly need?
    • Are you interested in the victim consciousness that comes with the pattern? This can be a sneaky and persuasive one. Nothing in our conscious mind wants to be a victim, but we can feel a backward strength in others’ “wrongness” through it, which of course means we are right. Many people are addicted to being right, even at their own expense.

These are just a few possibilities. If you take a neutral, expansive view of, “What do I get from this?” you might uncover some surprises!

4. Choice. This is willful alignment with a way other than the pattern. This is a big one, as we often experience a “loss of identity” in the shift. YES! It’s what we’re here for! Though not always comfy. Aligning with our life beyond the pattern can be a really big change.

5. Repeated Choice. This is also a big piece, as these changes do not usually happen by our choosing only once. Think how many times you’ve chosen another way! Be patient with yourself, celebrating when you remember, indulging in no judgment when you forget.

You are welcome to join us in Living Awake for one-on-one and group facilitation through processes like this, within a community of like-hearted, wonderful people. You’re always invited!

Infinite Love –



Posted on

January 14, 2019

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